***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
