haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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