ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
