do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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