I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
