Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
