The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
