oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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