I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
