Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
