I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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