Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I would fuck him just for his dog
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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