you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
