apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
