I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
