cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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