What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
