Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
