Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I need to stop coming to work sober
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I just googled if crying burns calories
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
