i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
