Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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