Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
