dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
