I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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