Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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