i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
