can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize