your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
