when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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