worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Two words: blizzard sex
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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