My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
