do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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