butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
