When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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