Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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