Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
