It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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