We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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