I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
