I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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