FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
