there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
