just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
