Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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