Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize