If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
