you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
