Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
