Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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