I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
