i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
