call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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