I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
