a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
