she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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