Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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