also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
