Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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