Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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