I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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