Whod you bang
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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