mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
