I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
and she was petting her beer can
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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