Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
