we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
