everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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