that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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