Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
