Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
