I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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