ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
