she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
