I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
