Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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