you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
