i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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