finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
