Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
