I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
