upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
