I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Hippo gnu deer
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
