is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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