I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
