I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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