you guys were way drunker than both of me
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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