i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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