you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Enjoy the penises
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
