im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
