Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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