Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
