It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
