i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize