Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
