She went from zero to smokin in five shots
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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