Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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