i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
