I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
