TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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