Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
