i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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