Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
