I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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