By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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